Just beyond the silhouettes that dark the sun

I have been obsessed with the graphic novel series Strangers in Paradise for the last few weeks. Once in a while I'll read a passage from a novel and immediately know that I'll always remember where I was the first time I read it. I just know that it will always mean something to me. I think it was Kurt Vonnegut who spoke of the miracle that is reading something so powerful it makes you feel grateful to be alive, no matter what else is going on in your life or the world. That's exactly how I felt when I read this:

When I was thirteen I watched a classmate die on the concrete beside a school bus. In the noise and play of pushing children the little boy had been thrust before the approaching bus and run over. Waiting for the ambulance, we stood around him like a wall of life and watched him die.

At first he groaned and couldn’t move, his eyes shut tight. But as the crowd recalled the horrific moment again and again from various points of view, the boy grew silent. He opened his eyes and looked beyond our silhouettes to watch the sun with a peaceful calm. Then I realized he no longer saw the sky or felt the autumn breeze, nor did he feel any pain or hear the sound of teachers crying.

I don’t know what fabric lies beneath the life we live, but on the other side of our mortal pain is a place of sanctuary. I know because I stood beside a little boy and watched him find it once.

Years later I held Emma’s hand until she found sanctuary in the snow falling outside her window. Then I found it in the backseat of a speeding police car, under Francine’s tears.

I guess that’s why I came back. There’s something more important than the work we do and the roles we play. There’s something more than how we move or where. There’s something about who we touch and why, and it matters more than we can understand or perhaps remember.

So it doesn’t matter what happened or what was said that awful summer ten years before, if Francine needs me I’ll be here for her. To hold her hand and let her know she’s not alone. I owe her that much, don’t you see? In her eyes I found sanctuary. And now, when life is shadows in the sun, Francine looks for it, too. But isn’t it ironic she looks to me for something I saw in her all along?

I don’t know, maybe sanctuary isn’t really found in the sun or snow or a loved one’s tears. Maybe, when the moment’s right these things merely catch a reflection of our own soul and remind us of who we really are and that home is never all that far away – just beyond the silhouettes that dark the sun.

I'm back

I opened my old blog by accident tonight and ended up skimming some of the entries. It was a weird experience due to the fact that I can hardly recognize the person who wrote all of the early entries and even some of the ones near the end. I had strong opinions on topics that I knew nothing about. I had no idea how I fit into the world. I didn't know that life had yet to truly beat the shit out of me or that finally, in my 20th year I would find happiness. I can find very few similarities with myself now and the person I was five years ago. But I still think this picture is fucking awesome.

More posts to follow soon.

Come back

I saw this posted on a blog I read and I thought it was beautiful. And true.

Just this feeling when you part ways with people you care about, people you love. "Get home safe." "Take care." "Be good." Go back out into the world away from me, and come back to me soon and in one piece. Come back with fun stories, and let's make some fun stories of our own. Come back with a tan, come back with a new job or a new adventure or your hair different. Just come back at some point.
Come back.

His name is Humperdink

For a person with zero drawing capabilities I'd say it's not half bad.

I don’t know exactly when it happened; all I know is that I was too busy to notice it. I realized tonight that we’ve had our last new years as a group and our last sleepover. It’s sad when a group of friends dissolve into just a group of people. It’s sad when you look around and you don’t know why you’re with the people you’re with. All these years I’ve always thought I was such a devoted friend, but that isn’t really true. I’m an extremely dedicated friend, so much so that it’s a flaw, to a few people. There are other people who I’ve called friends who now I really don’t know if I ever actually gave a shit about.

I’m forced with the prospect of having to make a life out of the jumbled mess I currently have. Because Amy is going to leave. And Kate will too. Neither for good, but for long enough that I will have to learn to live for myself for once and not for someone else.

The scary part is I don't know if I want to.

Part One

Robbby. I just washed my hands with the Michael Jackson soap because I had pizza hands. Pizza hands is when you eat pizza and then your hands.....smell like pizza. I know, I am amazingly inventive. I had a fun little buzz when I recorded this but I have basically turned into a passive aggressive bia in about 13 minutes. Such is life. Fuck everything. Love you, bb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Quibbley

Part Two

Bahaha

The latest parody of the "Gathering Storm" advertisement:




If you somehow haven't seen the ridiculousness that it was based on:

Dear Quibbley,
This is how much I love you. My roommates were mocking me, but I pressed on for the prize, that is your love. Or the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Whichever. This thing is taking a whizzle to upload. Now your following of readers will see. Will Lucy see? Will Carly? Will Jess? I'm scared. I'm scared Patty. Real scared. Beep beep Peep peep. Wankhead. Avi didn't realize what was happening til the part where my lover enters the screen, and then she saw movement from the corner of her eye and was all ................??????????????????? and they just don't understand the way you do. I am chewing gum like a cattle. Do you suckle the teat of cattle now or only the teat of soy bean? Do you suckle from the teat of mother alcohol? My desk is a mess. I should have included that in the video because I bet you wouldn't believe the shit that is on here. On hizzle. I have determined that my favorite friends disk is season 9 disk one. Can we play friends scene it when I get back? Can you add that to the list? Ok saaaank you -June. BYE.

Love, Robby June

Well seeing as bluggah is a bitch I guess I'll keep on truckin/typin. This feels reminiscient of a new years bluggah, like when I hack into your computer. Oh my god Why Am I Not Home Now Oh My Cher. Oh my cher I just started this whole GD process again I fucking hate you Quibbley. I hate you so much. I hate you with the burning passion of a thousand fiery suns. You bia. You ditchass. I love you. I love you. Marry me. What if I just legitimately proposed to you via your hacked bluggah? Omg how lame would that be What if this is a test to see if you respond in the affirmative and if you don't I can just be like HA HA just keeding. Well now what.